Saturday, March 27, 2004

The Dark Side of Dieting

My mom is on the Atkins Diet.

I would never ever EVER go on the Atkins Diet cuz you can't eat bread. I would literally shrivel up and die without bread. What would I surround my roast beef & horseradish sammiches with if I couldn't eat bread? The thought makes me shudder.

Mom is a stronger woman than I am. She's been on the diet for about 2 weeks now because in June she's going to Bermuda and in July we have a family reunion. She wants to look good. I'm trying to be supportive. I gave her one of my Denise Austin videos that focuses specifically on the abs. She's done it once. Better than nothing, I guess. I try to talk about the benefits of kickboxing, yoga, pilates & walking...they've all helped me lose over 60 pounds over the last 2 years. She's receptive to the ideas I throw out but she doesn't have a lot of time to implement them. One day she will.

Unless Atkins gets to her first and she cracks.

That point almost came Thursdsy night. It was my brother's birthday so we were at her house playing euchre. We had gone shopping earlier that day to buy party favors and candy for his party on Saturday. We weren't going to open the candy until the party but Dad got into the Watermelon Twizzlers which started the revolution. Everyone started eating the Twizzlers and the flavored Tootsie Rolls. It was sheer madness, I tell you! Candy wrappers everywhere!

At one point, Mom got up from the table where we were playing that stupid Mid-Western card game and started yelling. "THERE'S NOTHING TO EAT IN THIS HOUSE!! NOTHING!! WE HAVE NO FOOD TO EAT IN THIS HOUSE! WE DON'T EVEN HAVE ANY BREAD! NO FRICKIN' BREAD, CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?!!? AND ALL THIS CANDY YOU GUYS PICKED OUT SUCKS!!!!!"

Derek, Heather & I just stared at each other in shock. Apparently not eating bread had caught up with her and she just couldn't stand it anymore. I tried to be helpful and reminded her that Wendy's was open til 1am and that the McDonalds down the way from her house was open 24 hours. She just stared at me. That wasn't what she wanted. I was scared. I think we all were.

The party is in 15 and a half hours. I sure hope she bought some bread!

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