Wednesday, August 18, 2004

Another Gem From The Depths Of My House

I just can't believe how much CRAP I've accumulated in the time I've lived in
my house. Granted some of the stuff was left by my parents when they moved
out & I moved in (Mom: "We can leave this stuff here and come back for it."
Guess what? They NEVER came back for it!!!). My big thing seems to be finding
pieces of paper with funny little drawings or sayings or whatever and
sticking them in a box somewhere then promptly forgetting about them. Such is the
story with what you're about to read.

Years ago when I was working at the radio station, a friend gave me a
photocopy of a newstory that was printed in the Rochester Democrat newspaper in New
York. What you are about to read is EXACTLY what was printed. Here we go,
fasten your seatbelts and keep all arms & legs inside the car during the ride:

"HORROR OF THE HAUNTED HAM: A frightened family of four is pleading with
their parish priest to help them cure a most unusual problem - their home is
being terrorized by a haunted hunk of ham. Angry sounding squeals, grunts and
oinks echo eerily from the deserted kitchen of the Vandelee home while the
family tries to sleep. They've tried tossing out the evil piece of pig but it
always ends up back on the top shelf of the refrigerator. "I believe the thing's
possessed by the ghost of the butchered pig," Claude Vandelee, 36, of
Rotterdam, Holland is quoted as saying. "Our priest refuses to exorcise the pig demon
from our home," says Anne Vandelee, 39. "He says possessed ham doesn't fall
under his jurisdiction."

A haunted ham. Deviled ham is more like it. Is that a problem in Holland:
animals haunting their carcasses? What really gets me is that these people
let their names be printed! And what kind of a priest refuses to help a
parishioner? Maybe they didn't tithe enough?

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