I'm moving out of my house this month and that means a lot of packing and
cleaning. I don't mind the packing part so much...I've lived in this house on &
off since I was in 2nd grade so it's kinda like a treasure hunt going through
everything to pack it all up. One of the things I found in a drawer the other
day was a book I bought some years back entitled

How to Turn Your Ex-Boyfriend Into A Toad
by Athena Starwoman.

Now, I'll admit freely that I'm enthralled by anything to do with the occult,
witchcraft, ghosts, etc., and I used to frequent a store here in town called
Celebrations quite often that specialized in just that kind of stuff. I ended
up with quite a collection of spell books, books on palmistry, writing magic,
numerology, things like that. With so many books floating around, this one
had gotten lost in the shuffle. When I found it, I flipped through it and
remembered why I bought it in the first place.

I didn't have an ex-boyfriend that I wanted turned into a toad. I just
thought the book was funny. I'd like to share with you now the spell on how to
turn your ex-boyfriend into a toad as written by Athena Starwoman:

YOU WILL NEED:
- A PIECE OF CLOTH (ONE OF HIS OLD SHIRTS WOULD BE BEST)
- A BIG HANDFUL OF SANDY DIRT
- A PICTURE (OR DRAWING) OF YOUR EX
- A DARNING NEEDLE
- A PIECE OF BLACK THREAD
- SOME GREEN PAINT OR A GREEN FELT-TIP PEN

Most effectively done at midnight on a Full Moon. Collect your ingredients
and find a safe place where you can be undisturbed. Lay the piece of material
on a flat surface. Put the dirt on top and then the picture of your ex.
Gather up the sides and then take the needle and thread and sew the material into
a sack shape. Take the green pen and on the outside of the bag draw the
ugliest toad you can. Leave it under the moonlight for the whole night & in the
morning throw the lot into the garbage can.

Ms. Starwoman doesn't give a time line as to how soon your ex will be turned
into a fly-eatin' creature although at the beginning of the chapter she
mentions that a real prince can't be turned into a toad. Who knows if this works or
not? I'll never know...I can't sew.

This book is really cute, though. There's other spells in here like the
"Kiss Me Quick" spell (intended to make your lips irresistible to that man of your
dreams), the "Hot Up Your Sex Life" spell (you have to stand naked in front
of a full length mirror for that one...not for me!!) and the "Break the Casino"
spell (for all you gamblers out there looking for the big payoff!).

I actually have tried some spells in this and other books I have but they
don't seem to work. Either it's all bunk or I just didn't believe in it enough.
Or Fate knew better....so mote it be!

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