Friday, December 03, 2004

Speaking Of...

Derek posted earlier this week about The Best Thanksgiving EVER and how his poor wife was tortured by all of us eating when she couldn't because of her dental work and how Mom gleefully taunted her. That reminded me about a similar story.

When I was in college, I had to have my bottom wisdom teeth pulled. I so didn't want to; I was afraid. When Mom took me in to the dentist, they made me sign a waiver that said that I wouldn't hold them responsible should I die. DIE????? I told Mom I couldn't do this, I didn't want to die! She merely laughed and said I wouldn't, it was just a formality. Okeee....We'll see.

The dentist gave me a numbing shot and went to work. The left side came out with no problems but the right exaggerations here, he literally had his foot on the arm of my chair, yanking on the tooth. If that wasn't bad enough, I could feel him pulling.

ME: Unnngh!
SATAN: Are you okay?
ME: Ah eah...I iine.

So, after he was done ripping teeth from my head, he gave me some gauze to pack my jaw with for 24 hours and sent me on my way. I was so out of it that in the car with the bright sunlight blinding me, I started frantically rooting through my purse. Mom asked what I was looking for. "My sunglasses," I replied without looking up. She sighed. "Heather, you're wearing them." Oh.

My appointment with Evil had been at like 2 so by the time dinner time rolled around I was starving. But I couldn't eat anything. So Mom made me a frozen yogurt shake. She brought it to me where I laid on the couch like an invalid. I was drinking away when suddenly I felt something cold on my chest. Looking down, I saw a big dribble of shake. I reached up and touched my chin...I was covered in shake. Since I was numb from the neck up, I couldn't feel that I was dribbling the stuff all over me. Of course Mom, Dad & Derek all saw it but didn't bother to help me. They just sat there and laughed.

And then they did the unthinkable: THEY ORDERED DOMINOES PIZZA!!!!

This was when Dominoes was GOOOOOD and we didn't order pizza often. It was always a big treat. And not only did they order pizza but they plopped the pies on the coffee table in front of me and proceeded to eat RIGHT THERE IN THE LIVING ROOM IN FRONT OF ME!! When I complained, they laughed.

So, Heather, don't feel bad. You're not the only one Mom's done this to.

An extra bit about this episode...I couldn't take that gauze out of my mouth for 24 hours. It was nasty and uncomfortable and I couldn't sleep. I thought maybe some music would help so I picked a CD to listen to. At this time, I had 3 CDs: Winger, Linear and Whitney Houston. I picked Whitney, put it on repeat & tried to sleep. To this day, I can't hear anything from the CD without feeling queasy.

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