Thursday, August 11, 2005

I Have No Son

Yesterday morning, I went to breakfast at Mimi's with my parents and my Aunt Nancy. We had just sat down and the waitress, a young girl of about 21, came right over, looked at Dad and said, "I know what you want."

"And what would that be," he replied, obviously amused.

"A large orange juice."

"No! I don't drink that stuff."

"But that's what you had last time."

"I don't think so..."

"Are you sure? Of course, I haven't seen you come in with HER before." She nodded at Mom and we all gaped in shock. I was pretty sure that this girl had mistaken Dad for another customer of hers but it would be interesting to see how she proceeded, especially after our reactions. "I mean, the last time, you were here with your son." And Mom...good ol' Mom, replies firmly & with conviction:

"He doesn't have a son!"

Well, that garnered more shocked stares than what the waitress had said. I looked at her and said, "What? Mom!!"

"What? OH! I mean, he has a son! He's my son, too...I mean...." and she just trailed off. She knew there was no way out of it.

After that exciting breakfast, we went up to Memorial Hospital to visit my grandma who had a quadruple bypass last week. She's doing good and getting around on her own already but from what I hear she's been super feisty, arguing with the doctors and nurses. One of the nurses told her she had a reputation in that ward as a nasty old woman and that everyone was talking about her. As we were getting ready to leave, Grandma asked Aunt Nancy if she would order her lunch for her.

"I'd like to order lunch for Lila Knight in room 7626A, please."

"I'm sorry, it's too late to order lunch."

"Too late for lunch? It's 10:30am!"

"I'm sorry...wait. Did you say 7626A?"


"That's okay then. Go ahead & order."

"Thank you. She'd like tomato soup, 2 salts and peaches."

"She can't have peaches."

"It's on her menu."

"Umm...okay. She can have peaches."

It was obvious that Grandma's rep had extended down to the cafeteria. She was getting everything she wanted!!!

And the fun wasn't over - oh, no! As we were pulling out of the parking lot, we were passed by an ambulance followed by a police cruiser. Mom said, " ambulance car followed by a police car. That can't be good."

"An ambulance car," I asked.

", an ambulance followed by a police car." But it was too late. Dad & I were off, making fun of her "ambulance car" statement.

"I got me one-a them there am-bu-lance cars," I said. "It's a little bit harder to drive than my tractor car, though."

And even Nancy chimed in with, "And I don't even have a son!"

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