Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Press Zero To Kiss My Butt

For at least three years I've been paying my phone bill over the phone. I call up Quest, the electronic lady asks me for my phone number, I hit the buttons, it's over and done with within 5 minutes. Simple as pie.

Well, no more ease - not for Quest customers! I called last week to pay my bill and the electronic voice now belonged to a man. And not just any man... a sarcastic sounding, annoying wannabe-cool-cat man.

QwestMan: Hi. Please tell me the number you're calling about.

Me: (After a couple seconds... I mean, I just SAY the number? What happened to inputting it on my phone?) {phone number here}

QM: Thanks. So, what would you like to do? You can say 'I'd like to pay my bill' or 'I have a-

Me: I'd like to pay my bill.

QM: Okay. So, for security purposes, why don't you tell me you mailing zip code.

Me: {Gack! My bill goes to my parents house. What's their zip??} Umm... 80909?

QM: Okay. {Whew, got it right!} So, I see here that you have a balance of $59.07. Would you like to pay that today?

Me: Yes.

QM: Okay. Would you like to pay it all?
Me: Pay it all.

QM: Okay. Would you like to pay it all?


QM: Goodbye.

ARGH!! What the heck? I said I wanted to pay it all!!! Fine...

{Dialing again - reaching the point I was before}

QM: Would you like to pay it all?

Me: Yes.

QM: Okay. Would you like to use your checking account or your credit card?

Me: Credit card.

QM: Okay. I just need your credit card number

Me: {Scrambling into my wallet for my card.}

QM: If you need a minute, just say 'I need a minute.'

Me: 5876-7

QM: Goodbye.

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I got it the third time - always the charm, right? But seriously, it was so annoying and that man sounded like he was making fun of me the whole time! Many clowns were born in that 15 minutes that I spent trying to pay my bill. I miss the other way where you don't have to say a word. It was so much easier. I might have to resort to good old fashioned snail mail if they keep this new system.

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