I'm not going to have a lot of time to post this week at all...my stupid landlady is showing up from Idaho and she gave me one day's notice that she'll be here. She's coming tomorrow and my house is trashed so I have to spend the time cleaning which is something I HATE spending my time on. Plus I have to do yard work, one of my least favorite things to do. Damn landlady....

But my song for today will be "Perfect" by Sara Evans. That's because it's stuck in my mind right now and it's a really cute song. I read somewhere that when you get a song stuck in your head that your mind is being idle...How can I be blogging with an idle mind???

Hmmm, that WOULD explain some of my posts...

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SONG OF THE DAY: "Sunday Morning" by No Doubt. Anything by No Doubt is good but it took me a while to warm up to this one. Now I love it and actually sang it at karaoke last time I was there. It's just fun & bouncy.


Next to comedies, horror movies are my favorite type of movie. I love that rush of fear that comes over you, thinking that the monster is outside your window, waiting to get you even though you know it's not true. It's always best to watch them in the dark and hopefully you have someone with you that will save you from the clutches of Dracula, Freddy or Pinhead.

When I was in high school, my best friend at the time, Rhonda, & I would rent scary movies every weekend and spend the time getting scared out of our minds. The Serpent & The Rainbow was the first movie to make me scream out loud even though we were watching it at 4 in the afternoon with bright sunlight streaming through the living room window. We watched every horror flick we could get our hands on then. One night we rented April Fool's Day and watched it at my house with my mom. There's a scene where two kids are having sex and the chick has her ankles locked behind the guy's neck and in all seriousness, my mom says, "Uh! You can't do it that way." She's so innocent it's cute.

The first time Rhonda & I watched Nightmare On Elm Street (the original) it was at her house and at midnight, the way you're supposed to watch it. Right after Freddy killed the blonde chick in the boiler room, I see a shadow coming up the sidewalk out the window. "Rhonda, there's someone out there," I whispered. She didn't believe me but the figure was getting closer. Oh, shit, he was wearing a striped sweater!! OH MY GOD!!! "Rhonda," I whispered again just as the door knob shook. We both froze and stared at the door. We just knew Freddy was out there. Pretty soon we hear a knock. Would Freddy knock? Wouldn't he just use his knives to pick his way in? Or jump through the window? "Hey, it's Gene. Let me in, I forgot my key." Good God, it was her brother, home from a date in a stupid striped sweater! Heart attack averted.

The only other scary thing that ever happened while I was watching a scary movie was during The Omen. My dad was in Kansas or Nebraska or some other state and Derek, Mom & I rented a couple movies, one being The Omen. I remember that Mom & Derek were on opposite ends of the couch and I was in the chair across the living room, watching as Damien wreaked havoc and scared the crap outta me. It was storming outside and every once in a while we would hear the thunder over the movie. When it came to the part in the graveyard where the two guys are about to open Damien's mother's casket, the power went out. I leapt across the room onto the couch where Derek was already cowering next to Mom. I did the same thing. When the power came back on, we all just sat there, afraid to move, knowing that when we got up, the devil dog was going to leap out and devour us!

I've kinda slacked on my horror movie watching duties...the last scary movie I saw was probably The Ring and that really creeped me out when the girl was crawling through the TV. Not to mention my cell phone ringing every thirty minutes throughout the whole film freaked me out. After my jaunt through Media Play's horror DVD section the other night, I realized I have a huge task ahead of me to catch up on all these scary movies. Wish me luck!

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SONG OF THE DAY: "Just Let Me Be In Love" by Tracy Byrd. This is one of my favorite country songs cuz it's mushy & sweet & romantic...the thought of some guy actually feeling like this rates a 10 on my sigh-o-meter! :)



Okay, so it was a busy busy night at work last night and once again I was saddled with Stan The Trainee. He was depressed because it was Father's Day and his son was in New Jersey so I was trying to be nice to him. He called me over to ask a question and asks what that smell is emanating from me.

"Gum," I said, sticking out my Cherry Chill Eclipse gum for him to see. "Smells good, huh?"

"Yes! Why don't I have any?"

"You want some? I'll get you some."

"Nah...I don't wanna smell like a girl." HUH???

"Ummm, a girl?"

"Yeah...and then you with your pink hair and your cherry gum, you smell like a scratch-n-sniff sticker."

Well, okay. Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing...

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I'm feeling kinda Monkeyesque today. Enjoy!

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New Feature for Matted Spam: SONG OF THE DAY!!
Today's song is "Walking On Sunshine" by Katrina & The Waves. This song describes my mood perfectly today even though the weather is quite overcast & gloomy. Jenn, you need to listen to this song to perk up!

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People who need to be pimp-slapped: The idiot who jumped out of a car at the stoplight of Circle & Monterey today then proceeded to walk right into oncoming traffic throwing gang signs like that's gonna stop someone from running over his dumb ass!

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Shanon, Elena & I went to the zoo today to see the giraffes. Sadly, they weren't out. Apparently it was too wet. We saw the penguins which almost makes up for it. And two HUGE snakes that were really cool.

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Movie Idea: "From Geek To Chic." (PG) (2hrs, 2 min) Watch this heart-warming tale of a geeky girl who somehow makes her high school cheerleading squad and makes being Geeky chic!

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Fun New Trend: Astrological signs on EVERYTHING! I recently purchased a t-shirt with my sign (Aqaurius) & personality traits listed on the front and a pair of Aquarian flip-flops. These are the only two things I have been able to find with my sign on them. Either Aquarius is really popular or else the manufacturers don't think we're important.

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That was fun!!

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Ahhh! I love that feeling of total bliss that steals over you when you get out of doing something you really didn't want to do.

Where I work, we have these machines that to operate, you have to be certified. To get certified, you have to be audited by a training specialist. I HATE audits more than anything! They stress me out so bad! About six months ago, I had three audits within a three week period. Every morning at 4am, I would start to get sick. Physically ill, thinking about going through this audit. Would this be the time I failed miserably and Debi (the specialist) would say in her Valley Girl voice: "Oh, Heather, NOooooo! That's wrooooong!"

Luckily, I passed all the audits and they were all puke-free! I told mu supervisor after the last one that that was IT! No more for at least a year. They were too stressful and I didn't like being sick. "Okay," she said and two weeks later said, "I need you to learn the 4090 prober." AARRRGHH! Doesn't anyone ever listen to me?

Apparently not cuz I got trained. If you'll recall, I had to actually work another stinkin' shift to get trained, too! Well, this morning was supposed to be the day I got audited. At 5:30am, Debi was supposed to come swishing through and put me through her version of hell. But guess what??? There was no product for the 4090 and without product, I can't show her that I know what I'm doing so...I'm FREE!!!! YAY!

Only for a week but I don't care! Right now, I feel GREAT! And suddenly I'm craving Frosted Flakes...hmmm...

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Yeah, my little face over there the last two days was depressed. Not one to bring others down but I wanted to get all of this out! I can't afford to explode one day...it's messy and not fun for whoever has to clean it up!

This guy I worked with passed away on Wednesday morning. He was only 58. So I got to thinking how short life can truly be and we need to enjoy it while we have it and enjoy all the people who share this life with us! I'm very shy so I never tell anyone how I really feel. It's hard for me. But I'm only doing this once so everyone better listen up! Ha!

I'm sticking to the people I know read this. I'll start with Derek. Mom told me the other day that I was almost an only child and that shook me. I can't imagine my life without a brother! I know I would be dull and uncreative and boring if it wasn't for you! You are the funniest & most talented person I have ever known! Since no one else can read this since I changed my template, you have to tell Heather that I'm sooooo glad you married her. I couldn't have asked for a better sister-in-law! Also we have the best parents on the planet. Bar none. Others may argue but you can't convince me otherwise.

Shanon & Elena...my best friends! I can't tell you how much I look forward to my weekend so we can go shopping or to the movies and eat Chinese food! :D I'm extremely blessed to have you guys!

To all the people that take time out of their day to read my goofy posts, thank you. Your comments make me feel like what I do on this little site is worth it. Jenn, Monkey, Prestbury...:)

Collin - you're so cool! I love chatting with you online. I'm sorry you have to look at Derek's face so much but I'm glad you guys are friends or I would never have gotten to meet you! You're funny & creative & talented and a great dad! And you sing better then you think you do! ;)

I would put in a little paragraph about my husband but he never reads this. I'll just tell him in person.

Okay....sorry for the mush. I'll try to be more upbeat tomorrow

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I'm going to dinner & karaoke tonight. Because of that, I need cash. So, I hopped into my car and toodled off to the bank to use the ATM. It's the ATM that I use all the time because it's at my bank. I've never had a problem with it. Until tonight.

I slid my card in, entered the pin, asked for $50 and waited. And waited. And waited...suddenly I get that little ball of fear in my chest and the longer I wait, the bigger the ball gets. What's wrong with the ATM? Where's my money?

Reason takes over. There's a problem with the machine, just hit cancel and go to another ATM. I hit cancel. Nothing. Oh, my God...CANCEL CANCEL CANCEL!!! Nothing! No card, no money, the screen is frozen! I can't just leave...what if it unfreezes and my money & my card are out for everyone to see? But it's 4pm on a Saturday afternoon. There's no one at the bank to tell about this who could help me. I left my cell phone at home so I can't call the bank...

CANCEL CANCEL CANCEL CANCEL CANCEL CANCEL CANC.....oh. There's my card.
Thank God!

Apparently, there's a problem with the stupid ATM. I almost had a heart attack. I was gripped in the haze of a full-blown panic attack, actually. I usually am pretty calm in situations like these but tonight I had no idea what to do. Sometimes technology is swell but at other times, I just want to hire Monkey to pimp slap whoever invented the whole kit & kaboodle!

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Somehow this week, I ended up spending three days with my mother. Mostly we went shopping for her trip to Bermuda (she leaves on Sunday). You can't spend that amount of time with Mom without having her say something completely hilarious. I lucked out this time...there were three incidents!

INCIDENT 1: We were watching Jeopardy Wednesday night and decided to keep score which meant that we had to play Final Jeopardy. The answer was something along these lines: "This fictional character was developed by former marine biologist Somebody Somebody." I put as my question "Who is Spongebob Squarepants." I was right. Mom wrote down "Shamu or Willy of 'Free Willy.'" I liked the way she identified Willy.

INCIDENT 2: I recently streaked my hair with Atomic Pink hair dye and Mom hates it! I was telling her that a 60 year old lady at work thought it was cool, that it brought out my eyes. Then she looked at another co-worker and said, "Iris, we have to do that! Dye our hair a wild color." After I relayed this story, Mom says she wishes she could be spontaneous like that. "Like what," I ask. "Dying your hair pink?" "No, just saying 'Let's do that!' but not really meaning it." I ask her if she just wants to be insincere. "No, supportive," she clarifies. "But you don't really mean any of it so you're insincerely supportive?" "Yeah, I guess so."

INCIDENT 3: Dad was telling me about an ex-police officer named Ida he works with who has a seriously vulgar vocabulary. Actually, it's only one word. Her reaction when she heard Dad was going on a vacation to Bermuda was "How the fuck did you get a fucking trip to fucking Bermuda?" This woman is like in her 60's. Mom came home from work and he says, "Guess who said this," and proceeded to tell her about Ida's rampage. Mom's coolly-stated answer? "Must be that fucker from Western Fireplace." THIS from a woman who whispers the word "bush" because of the double meaning!

It definitely was not a boring weekend...and now I'm off to try and complete Collin's monster story project. I better light a candle or two and ask for guidance from the storytelling goddesses!

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When you follow random links?? This morning I stopped by The Lost Blog's Home (God, I really wish Derek would teach me how to link) and his latest post was about Tanya and how she hates music. Everything. Not just some music but ALL music! I thought long & hard about stopping by, knowing that some, if not all, of my bands would end up being trashed. But, I took a deep breath, steeled myself for the worst and followed the link.

http://www.freakytrigger.co.uk/hate.html

You might as well go there and see what she has to say about your fave music. I can tell you that she probably won't like it. She's already admitted that there's only one band that she tolerates, and guess what? It's not who you would think...it wasn't who I thought but it was who I would wish it to be. BADFINGER!!!! Seriously! Here's her post:
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BADFINGER IN GOODFING SHOCK!!!

What question do I get asked most? When are you going to pay your bar tab.
What question do I get asked second most often? What music do you like. There must be something. A band or a group, just one piece.

Well I don't like any music. But I do hava soft spot for one band. There were thought of as the next big thing, the saviour of post Beatles rock. None of which are the reasons why I like them. No I like them because they were stupendously unsuccessful, signed a contract which to all intents and purposes robbed them of money, and then topped themself. If only all bands could have a trajectory like that, I would be clapping until Kingdom Come.

The band? Badfinger.

The tragedy of Badfinger is made all the more juicy in that it was pretty much all the Beatles fault. Obviously the tragedy that anyone knew them in the first place was Paul McCartney's, and George Harrison produced their second album. But when Apple was disolved over Macca and Lennon trying to decided which country in the Union they wanted to own (Macca certain that he wanted to give Ireland to the Irish) they were left floundering, in penury, to sign a sort of reverse loalties deal. All bands should obviously be fined for selling more records in my book. Bands who have ever met, or listened to a Beatles record double.

Why did the members of Badfinger top themselves though? Surely not just over money. No, it was probably due to the realisation that they had written 'Without You' one of the most melodramatic, overblown and - this is the key point - covered songs in history. Perhaps the members obtained a crystal ball and realised that in 1997 Mariah Carey was going to crap her larynx all over it. In order to have completed rotted by this terrible juncture they stopped breating forthwith. And therefore stand as a shining example to all other bands.

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So it's not like she loves them like I do and listens to their tunes over & over while driving to the supermarket or anything...plus only two of them "topped" themselves...the other two are running around, still making music that Tanya will probably throuroughly dislike. But, hey! I'm not the only person out there that knows of them & their history! And maybe, just maybe, someone will read that and say, HEY! I need to listen to me some Badfinger and the smallest club in the world will have another member.

I'm pathetic, I know.

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Have you ever gone shopping, come out to the parking lot and when you try to unlock the door of your car, it doesn't work? Then you realize that you're trying to get into the wrong car? It may look just like yours but it's not. It happens to everyone at one time or another.

The first time it happened to me I was at the mall and came out to get into my LeMans. As I was sticking the key in, I noticed a case of Coors Lite in the back. "Why is there beer in my car," I asked my friend? That was when I realized that my key didn't work and this wasn't my car. Mine was parked 2 spaces down.

A few years ago, my grandparents went to the grocery store and my grandpa got tired & decided to go sit in the car. He meandered out to the parking lot and got inside a car, sitting in the front seat. It turned out that that was NOT his car and there were two confused old ladies sitting in the back seat!

The main point of my story here today, though, is the fact that when things like this happen, you realize it because either your key doesn't work so you can't get in the car or it's unlocked. What are the odds that you find a car that looks just like yours AND the key you have works?

I remember a story a few years back where just that occurrence happened; a woman reported her car stolen and it turned out that it had been taken by a lady who owned the same kind of car and her key worked so she assumed it was hers and took off in it. They made a huge deal about what the odds were for that happening. They were astronomical.

But it happened to me, too. It just didn't get the national coverage it deserved. Maybe we should have just taken the car. Anyway, Christina & I had gone into Walgreens for about ten minutes. When we came out, she unlocked the passenger door of her silver Honda Accord first and I got in. There was a pair of gloves on the seat and I moved them, wondering if I had sat on them the whole time and not known it. I unlocked the driver's side door for her and she climbed in.

She stuck the key in the ignition then froze. "Someone's been in my car," she said.

"Huh?"

"Where are all my stuffed animals?" Christina's dashboard was covered with Beanie Babies. "Wait! This isn't my car!" We jumped out and noticed that her Accord was about four spaces away. Just as we got into her car, the owner of the other Accord came out and drove away. She never knew that we had been in there.

And you never know who's been in your car while you're shopping.

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Today is my first day of working day shift (7am-7pm instead of the other way 'round) and I'm not sure how it will go. At least I know all the people on that shift so I won't be lonely or sad.

OH MY GOD!! There's a big creepy spider crawling on the wall next to me and my cats are completely oblivious. If my post suddenly ends, you know it got me.

Soooo, Friday night on The Discovery Channel, they aired the first episode of a new show of theirs called "American Casino" which took you inside The Green Valley Ranch in Vegas. What was cool about the show was that they focused a lot on the cooking side of it and the assistant pastry chef at the time they filmed there was my sister-in-law's twin sister, Shannon! It was really neat seeing her on TV. They even talked to her and had the little caption "Shannon Wright, Assistant Pastry Chef" underneath her. Heather (my sis-in-law) said that the cameraman had a thing for Shannon and you could tell...there were a ton of shots of her. She looked really pretty so if you see that it's going to be on again, check it out.

I think the spider's behind the clock now so I might be safe. Keeping my fingers crossed.

Three weeks ago I had an appointment to get my hair colored at the salon that I go to. I was all excited cuz I was going to go REALLY blond and have hot pink streaks put in. So I drive 30 minutes to the place only to find out that she's not there, that her grandmother passed away and she took off for New York the day before. "She was supposed to call all of her clients," the girl told me. Well, not only did she NOT call me, but this wasn't the first time it had happened. This was the fifth time. I either get there and she's not there or she's forgotten to write my appointment time down. Now, she's really sweet but totally flighty and I decided that I had had enough. So...

Shanon did my hair for me yesterday. We colored it "Chamomile Blond" then added some pink stripes in it which looks pretty darn cool and she even trimmed & styled it, too. All for free. If my hair lady had done all that I would be bankrupt! So I just want to thank Shanon for being so awesome! It was fun cuz there I was with foil strips hanging out of my head and here comes Elena..."Heather! You look pretty! You look like a rabbit!" Then she picks up the drain stopper for the kitchen sink. "Mama, what is this?"

"It's a drain stopper plug thing," Shanon replies.

"Oh. It's pretty." Later, she came back and told me again that I looked so pretty.

"Bunny rabbit pretty or drain stopper pretty," I asked.

"Bet you never thought you'd have to ask that question, huh?" Shanon laughed.

So that's been my weekend. Hope everyone else has a great weekend!

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I was blog surfing this morning and I happened across Amanadoo.blogspot.com (I would link her but, see, I'm blond and I don't understand how to do that like Derek & Collin do so this is as good as I can do.) and I read a post that mentioned her compatibility with Adolf Hitler. She, being more computer savvy then yours truly, linked the site that gave her the info so I followed it, curious to see how compatible I would be to ol' Adolf.

It's not that I have a Hitler fettish or anything, but I have had two dreams about him for some reason or another. I don't remember the details of my most recent somnambulistic tryst with the fuhror but the first one became something of legend with my friend. It seemed that I had been on my way to visit Hitler and when I arrived at his little tin shack in the middle of nowhere, he wasn't there. While I waited, I got hungry so I raided his fridge and made myself a sandwich, using all of his mustard. When I realized what I had done, I ran like hell, knowing that Hitler was gonna be one pissed off little man when he saw all his mustard was gone.

So, anyway, the site I visited for this info was www.facade.com/biorhythm. The results were as follows:

HEATHER'S COMPATIBILTY WITH ADOLF HITLER:

PHYSICAL - 32% (eeyeww)
EMOTIONAL - 24%
INTELLECTUAL - 79% (spooky)
OVERALL - 45%

So besides the fact that we could have a rockin' conversation or a killer game of Trivial Pursuit, Adolf & I wouldn't have had much of a chance in the soul mate department.

There was a long list of other celebrities that I could check my compatibility with. The only one I saw that interested me was Edward Norton. The results follow:

HEATHER'S COMPATIBILITY WITH EDWARD NORTON:

PHYSICAL - 87%
EMOTIONAL - 73%
INTELLECTUAL - 97%
OVERALL - 86%

Check out those numbers!! I know he's split from Salma Hayek so Jeff better watch out! Ha! There's a link to check your compatibility with The Rock so I think I'll go back later and see if Mom has a chance with her man!!

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I love cookies. I love every kind of cookie there is. Unless there's raisins in it. Bleck! My Mom has a refrigerator magnet that reads "A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand." That is SO true! My favorite cookie, however, is the fortune cookie. I am not alone in this. Shanon & Elena love fortune cookies as well.

Being the Chinese food connoisseurs that we are, we frequent Chinese restaurants almost once a week. Shanon was telling me that a couple weeks ago she had dinner with her family at a non-Chinese restaurant and when the bill came, Elena asked, "Where are the cookies?"

So yesterday, before our trek to Xiang's, my fave place, we went to Kohl's to do a little shopping. There was a lady standing in the aisle behind a table upon which sat a HUGE bowl of fortune cookies. My dream come true! Shanon saw them before I did and asked Elena if she wanted a cookie. The lady gets all huffy and says that they're for the sale promotion ONLY and that she couldn't have one. Then she asked Shanon & I if we want to open a Kohl's account, thereby getting a fortune cookie & saving 15% on our purchase. We said "No, thank you," not wanting the stinking cookie that bad. But then the lady says, in all seriousness and quite sternly, I might add...

"You obviously don't understand how the cookie works."

HUH? What is there to understanding how a freakin' fortune cookie works? You open it, you read it, you eat it! GIMME THE DAMN COOKIE LADY AND TO HELL WITH YOUR INSTRUCTIONS!! But, I kept quiet as she explained the intricate workings of the Kohl Kookie. There was a fortune in there that let you save up to 25% on your purchase. That was for anyone, Kohl's card or not. To get the EXTRA savings, you had to apply for a card but I was free to take a cookie regardless. So I did and I got the coveted 25% fortune. Shanon got 20% which is nothing to sneeze at and she let Elena eat the cookie.

See, there was a disclaimer on the back of the fortune that said to use the fortune, you had to be 18 or older. Obviously, Elena's not but come on! She's a little girl who loves cookies? Don't you think Broom Hilda could have spared one stinkin' cookie for her? She had a ton!

P.S. My REAL fortune from Xiang's scared me. It said that long lost friends would be coming back into my life. See, the reason that they're long lost is cuz I wanted 'em that way! I don't want them coming back!

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With the family reunion only a month away, I've been thinking about some of the words-slash-phrases that we've been given by my grandfather. This is my mom's father so if you've been following my blog or Derek's, this could be where Mom got her funny from.

And now, without any further ado I proudly present HAROLD'S DICTIONARY!

CRICK (crick) [noun] - This is actually another way to say "creek." For probably the first twenty years of my life, I thought there was a difference between creeks and cricks. My grandparents lived in Vail for a while while Grandpa was helping remodel the Sonnanalp hotel. They lived in the penthouse loft suite and had a great view of the "crick." Every once in a while, Grandpa would ask if we wanted to go down to the crick and skip rocks. My favorite memory of the crick-visitin' was when Derek & I went down to throw rocks in the water while the adults played cards. We were told not to get wet. So what did Derek do? He walked into the middle of the crick using rocks as stepping stones to see a lizard and he slipped, drenching himself. We actually tried to sneak in without being seen but it didn't happen.

PURDINEER (purr-di-neer) [adj] - A combination of the words "Pretty" and "Near." Used when something almost happens. Ex: "I purdineer drowned in the ditch this morning." I think I was maybe 15 before I realized that this was not a real word.

LPC (Ell-pee-see) [abbrev] - LPC stands for Lead Pipe Cinch. This is used exclusively during the game of Oh Heck. This is said when you know for a fact that you will take a certain amount of tricks..for example, if the amount of the deal is one card and trump is spades and you have the Ace of spades in your hand. That is an LPC! It's the only one of Grandpa's words that I use even now while playing cards. When I tell everyone that I plan to take 6 out of 8 tricks and everyone looks at me like I'm crazy, I smile and say, "It's an LPC."

Stay tuned for more fun words!

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A buddy trainer. That's me. I'm new at that, only having been a buddy trainer for six months. When I got certified at that position, I thought it would be an easy job...we hadn't hired anyone new for years so I figured that the only people I would be training would be people that had been there for a while and new all the nuances of working in the semiconductor industry. Plus it was fifty cents an hour extra when I was training.

Sadly, I was wrong. We hired two new people within the space of four months. The first guy I didn't have to train but I got the second guy. I've mentioned him in a couple posts already...Stan. During the interview, I really like him. He seemed nice and friendly and eager to learn. So we hired him. The first week was fine, although I noticed his propensity to talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk...seriously. He told me he talked to keep himself awake. One night I mentioned something about The Doors and he said he never heard of The Doors. That started a two & a half hour conversation (I use that term lightly. It's usually him talking & me nodding my head while clenching my hands into fists) about music. At 4am, Prescilla came to get me for break. As we were walking away, Stan is still yelling at me..."Do you like The Police? I like Sting!" Oh my God!!

The next night he had no work but he can't go home since he's a temp. He decided that since he was workless but I wasn't, he would follow me around like a puppy dog! He knows nothing of the phrase "Personal Space" and he kept trying to do my work. Now, what I was doing that night was a job that I'm still in training on so I kept having to tell him that he couldn't do anything. Then he would look all sad. I wanted to belt him.

He questions the specs, tries to change the rules so they better fit him and thinks he knows the answers to everything! I'm starting to question my decision to be a buddy trainer. This coming week, I'm finishing my training on day shift so that means one whole week without Stan! I'll be able to breathe for that whole week! It'll be so nice.

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You know how every once in a while you get those forwarded emails about funny things that kids say or write on tests? I love those things, they make me laugh. When my niece & nephew were first learning how to talk it was always fun to see what they came up with.

When Derek & I were growing up, we were no exception. According to my mother, we were walking through the grocery store and I was about 3 or 4 and there was a little boy in a cart crying his eyes out. As we passed him, I told him "That's enough crying, little boy." My husband always says I'm bossy...I guess that started at an early age.

When Derek was 2 or 3, we were shopping in Target and a really good looking woman walked by. Derek held out his arms towards her and exclaimed. "Hey lady! I want you!!" I think my mom was worried about his future as a womanizer after that. Luckily, he got shier when it came to women after that.

What brought these memories to mind was Friday afternoon, I went to Target (apparently the site for all little kid funnies) with Shanon & Elena. Elena was in the cart and coming towards us was a lady with a little girl in her cart. The girl looked at Elena and said "Hi, baby." Shanon started laughing and said, "Did you see Elena's face? It was like she was thinking 'What are you talking to me for?'"

Well, Elena decided that what her mom said was pretty much on target (no pun intended) so at the top of her voice, Elena shouts back at the girl, "WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?? OUTRAGEOUS!!!!" The last part was a nod to Lord Farquad from Shrek. Of course, Shanon is like "Sshhh!" and we don't know if the girl & her mother heard Elena but we did and I laughed til I almost cried.

Another thing she did last week was we were sitting at lunch and Elena was sitting by me. She smiled at me then said to Shanon "He's a nice boy." "No, SHE'S a nice GIRL. Heather's a girl." Elena then rubs my arm and says in all seriousness, "But he has hair on his arm like Daddy."

Yeah, you see why I love hanging out with her. She makes me laugh.

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