So yeah.  This is a warning:  if you're crying, don't do it lying on your side.  I did this last night and you know what happened?

Labels: Funny

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Me:  Who in the world are we gonna cut?  Both these punters look great!

Labels: Broncos, collin, Conversations, Funny

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The scene is Thursday afternoon at my parents' house.

Dad: Have you decided what to do with your hamster yet?

Me: We're waiting for it to warm up so we can bury him.

Dad: And in the meantime he's sitting in your freezer.

Mom: Eeyew!!

Me: He's contained! He's in a bag in a box in two bags in a box in a bag!

Dad: You should just toss him in the dumpster!

Me: I'm not tossing him in the dumpster!!!

Dad: Why not?

Me: *sigh* Because....

Mom: Why don't you just turn your oven to 400 and cremate him?

Me: MOM!!

Dad: KAREN!!!

Mom: What?

Dad: Jeeze...the smell alone....

Mom: Well, it was just a thought.....

Labels: Conversations, Funny, Mom, Sam

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***Collin has the spooky whisper voice thing pulled off the tape and it should be posted here very soon!!!***

Jordyn's birthday is coming up on Friday and this year she's having a Skate City birthday party. Of course she's beside herself with excitement. Her job today was to call her great grandma and her aunt to invite them.

Me: Did you call great grandma & Pam?

Jordyn: Yeah but I had forgotten why I had called so I was just talking then I went "Oh, yeah...." and great grandma said "Yes?" And I said I didn't remember.

Me: So you never invited them to the party?

Jordyn: No...I forgot why I had called.

Me: *sigh* Call them back and tell them about the party.

So off she goes, phone in hand, to the basement.

Me: Did you call them?

Jordyn: I left a voice message.

Me: What did you say?

Jordyn: I just told them it was at Skate City on Academy & Beauregard.

Me: Academy & WHAT?

Jordyn: Academy & Beauregard.

Me: It's Academy & Constitution.

Jordyn: I thought it was Beauregard.

Me: It's Academy BOULEVARD, not Beauregard.

Jordyn: Ohhhh.....

Goof.

Labels: Conversations, Funny, Jordyn

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My mom, as you know if you read this little blog, has an interesting way of putting things. Like Christmas Eve when her brother asked her what the last movie she had seen in the theatre was. Turns out, since Sweeny Todd was happening the next day, the last movie she had seen had been with me - 3:10 To Yuma. Ray hadn't heard of it and asked what it was about. Mom's description was this: "There's this train...and at 3:10, it goes to Yuma!" You have to imagine her saying this, sweeping her arm forward like a train taking off...it makes it all the more funny!

The next week, Collin & I were riding with my parents in Dad's new VUE up to Denver to have dinner with Ray & Mary Beth. We were listening to XM Radio, the 60's station at my request, and Running Bear by Johnny Preston came on. Dad asked what song was playing and Mom told him, "You know that song where the two little indians swim together then DIE!"

Labels: Funny, Mom

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We were at Jordyn's school play last night, waiting for it to begin and kids were walking the crowd, distributing candy canes. My mom gave me hers, saying she didn't like candy canes.

Me: You don't like candy canes???

Mom: Not really, no.

Me: How can you not like candy canes??

Mom: They're just uninteresting.

Labels: Conversations, Funny, Mom

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It's amazing what timing will do - one minute later or earlier and I wouldn't have a blog post.

Anyway...I was at work tonight and I had to go out to go the bathroom. I opened the doors into the hall and turned right towards the restrooms. I saw Terry, a co-worker, walking towards me, on my side of the hall. My first thought was that he'd see me and move.

He got closer and I noticed two things:

1) He wasn't moving.
2) His eyes were closed.

I reached out my hand to keep us from colliding and yelled, "AHHH!" His eyes popped open and he reached out for me, grabbing my hand to steady himself as he juked to the left real fast.

"Oh my God, I was alseep," he laughed. I don't know just how asleep he really was but seeing as how we on the night shift sometimes don't get enough sleep during the day, it's very plausible that Terry really was asleep on his feet and moving by instinct back to the floor.

That was my laugh for the night, maybe the week!

Labels: Funny, work

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**Disclaimer: If you don't have a sense of humor when it comes to death, read no further.**

So last week I had gone upstairs to change clothes while my friend Christina checked her email. As I was coming back down, I was making "in pain" noises because my calves were sore.

Christina: Are you okay?

Me: Yeah, my legs just hurt.

Christina: You know who's NOT okay? Evel Kenievel. He's dead.

Just the unexpected way she broke the news made me laugh and to this day I'm still giggling over it. Maybe I'm horrible but it was funny....

On a side note, it's snowing like crazy here. Finally. Last week it was 70 degrees. About time it looked & felt like Christmas.

Labels: died, Funny

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Midnight At The Oasis by Maria Muldaur was playing and the line "send your camels to bed" came up.

Collin: Send your camel to bed....

Me: Wha?

Collin: Send your camel to bed....it's after midnight, send them to bed!

Me: Those poor camels, up til all hours...forced to work...

Collin: Oh, no, they're up partying. SEND your camels to bed, not LET them go to bed.

Me: Oh, gotcha

Collin: Yep, them camels, partying til all hours, shaking their humps....their humps...their lovely camel lumps....

Labels: collin, Conversations, Funny

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This took place while we were sitting in the pre-op area on Halloween, waiting for Dad to be taken for surgery.  Somehow we got on the subject of being claustrophobic, which I am.  

Labels: Conversations, Funny, Mom

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Shanon sent me a link today where you can upload a picture of yourself and see what famous person you resemble. I ended up resembling Maura Tierney, which is a nice compliment....


I did Collin's just for fun and he was Jack Osbourne - ha!


So try it out and let me know who you resemble!!

Labels: Funny

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This picture cracks me up!

I'd be crying too if I had to look at Mathieu Schnieder. :)

Labels: Funny, Pictures

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On the radio: Tom Petty's Runnin' Down A Dream

TP: I put the pedal down to make some time...(Collin picked that time to really speed up.)

Me: Just cuz Tom Petty told you to go fast doesn't mean you have to.

Collin: I always do whatever Tom Pettey says.

Me: Oh yeah?

Collin: Yeah...I don't go 'round there no more...

Labels: collin, Conversations, Funny

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At least I think it's a funny story.

I was in the break room tonight at work, eating my popcorn and reading my book, when two co-workers, Chris & Monique, came in to eat. Monique's father, Pedro, is our custodian and he was also with them. Pretty soon I hear Pedro call my name and he starts to tell me this story:

"Last night I was walking up the sidewalk in front of the security building and all of a sudden here comes this little bunny rabbit, running like a bat out of hell, straight towards me! I just stopped because this little guy is running fast and I don't know what he's gonna do. At the last second, though, he swerved off to the side and just kept running like his life depended on it! But I was scared!"

"You were scared by a little bunny rabbit," Monique asked as we laughed.

"Yeah! I didn't know what he was gonna do and if he had run into me, he'd-a knocked himself out!"

Labels: crazy bunnies, Funny

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Thursday I went to QDoba with Collin on his lunch break. While we were eating, we heard the guy sitting behind us start to tell a story. He said, "So I wake up and I'm buck-ass naked. So I get up and go into the other room and there's my girlfriend and another guy sleeping in the same bed but they've got clothes on..." We stopped listening about there because we were looking at each other and laughing.

Now, like some couples, we sit next to each other when we go out to eat and not across from each other so neither of us saw what the guy talking looked like. About five minutes later the group behind us gets up to leave. They all look like landscapers, kinda dirty and grungy from working outside. One is older so I'm thinking it wasn't him who woke up sans clothing. But the other two guys are younger, mid-20's to early 30's and I'm looking at them, trying to decide which one had been talking when Collin says, "Which one do you think woke up naked?"

"I was just trying to figure that out...oh, never mind." The taller of the two started talking and we realized from his voice it was him. I had been right, even though I hadn't gotten the chance to voice my opinion. But I keep talking. "I figured it was him cuz the other guy was too short."

"Too short to be naked?"

So there you go. And no, dogs don't bark at me.

Labels: Funny, Nada

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Usually my funny stories revolve around my Mom but this time it's all about Dad!

Last week when we were up at Freak Train and sitting in the back row while Mom & Dad were in the 4th row, there was a belly dancing routine. When the act started, the dancer had her back to the audience - she was tall and lithe and dressed in a full length black dress with a crimson hip sash adorned with the jingling coins. She had long black hair in dreads with sea shells twined through. She danced for a while with her back to us then she finally turned around and - UGH! She was the ugliest girl I had ever seen! Seriously.

The more I watched her, I started thinking she was actually a he. At the intermission when we moved up to the 4th row, the bellydancer was in front of us and it was obvious to me that, yes, she was indeed a he. As I was looking at him, Mom leaned over and mouthed to me "Is that a guy?" I nodded. Then Dad said, "That belly dancer was pretty good. And she's an interesting looking woman." I didn't say anything, I just agreed with him. I don't know why I didn't tell him I thought it was a man.

The next day Dad called me. "Why did no one tell me?"

Me: Tell you what?

Dad: That that bellydancer was a man!! Everyone else knew, why didn't anyone tell me?

Labels: dad, freak train, Funny

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My Mom was sick last week with a sinus infection and a horrid cough. The doctor gave her prescription cough medicine that she took with her to work and every 4 hours she would "take a swig" of it. One night she called Dad from work:

Mom: I think I know what's wrong with me.

Dad: Yeah, you're sick!

Mom: No! Why my brain isn't working right! This cough medicine is 20% alcohol. I think I'm drunk!!!

Labels: Funny, Mom

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It's snowing again. Again! Geeze! What a winter. I haven't seen this much snow since I can't remember when. Anyway, all this snow talk is leading up to a story that I was told yesterday and I want to share with all of YOU today:

A guy that Shanon's husband works with was part of a group of people talking about how difficult it had been to get around in all this snow we've been having. He was saying how he couldn't even get out of his cul de sac, there was so much snow. But he didn't say "cul de sac." What he said was so funny and only made funnier by the fact that he thought he was pronouncing it correctly.

He called it a "cuddle sack."

Labels: Funny, things Shanon told me, weather

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Leave it to Collin to find the funny stuff! You HAVE to see this - so hilarious!

Labels: Funny

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And sent it to me today. It's really cute!!

Click on that link. Really! Do it! I hardly ever ask you to click on anything. Trust me!!



If you're not familiar with Dr. Tran, go to lonesausage.com and watch the movie called "Dr. Tran." Absolutely hilarious!

Labels: Funny

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